


You Make Me Feel Better

by SkylarJames17



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Child Abuse, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-02
Updated: 2020-01-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:53:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22087456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkylarJames17/pseuds/SkylarJames17
Summary: Buck has a really, really bad day.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 18
Kudos: 570





	You Make Me Feel Better

“You good, Buckaroo?” Chimney asked when he saw Buck sitting face-planted into the kitchen table at 5 am on a Thursday morning. 

Buck lifted his head, his eyes red from exhaustion. He looked at Chimney, said, “Headache,” and dropped his head back down as Hen jogged up the stairs for breakfast. 

Seeing the exchange, she gave Chimney a “what’s wrong with him?” look. 

“You party too hard last night?” Chim asked with an eye roll.

That woke Buck up. “No! You guys think I would do that?” He actually looked hurt. 

“No,” Hen said. “Relax. We just want to make sure you can work.”

“It’s not that bad,” Buck replied. “I’m more tired than anything. I’m waiting for the Advil to kick in.”

“You sure?” Hen asked. She shamelessly planted a hand on the back of Buck’s neck. “No fever.” She shrugged at Chim. “You have a bad track record here, Buck.”

“I know,” Buck said. 

He didn’t say anything else.

“Buck—”

Suddenly he stood up. “I’m not hungry,” he announced. He left the loft and went to lay down in the bunks.

The first few hours of the morning were quiet. Even though Buck had chores to do, nobody woke him from his restless nap. He usually outright refused to sleep on shifts, so the fact that he did so willingly, without being told to, was cause for concern.

But when he walked out to the front of the station to stock the fire trucks, he was the same golden-retriever-like bundle of energy he always was. It seemed like he had slept off whatever thing he had. 

And he was lucky he had, because the bell rang before he even had the chance to open the storage doors. 

You’d have to be looking very closely to notice the slight wince Buck gave. 

Unsurprisingly, Eddie was watching Buck pretty closely. 

“Everything okay, Buck?”

“Yeah, I’m good now,” Buck lied. 

“You’re not a good liar, Buck.”

Buck’s eyes widened. “Shut up, Eddie,” he said, but without much punch. “Just let me see how this goes.” 

Eddie hesitantly agreed as they climbed into the truck. 

If Buck had known the kind of call they’d be going on, he wouldn’t have lied about his headache. He should’ve known by the way Hen and Bobby looked at him as they exchanged hushed whispers, but he chose to ignore them in favor of focusing on the way Eddie’s thigh was pressed against his. 

It had been a month since his father had passed away. He had told his team about his passing and a little more about what his home culture was like in the days following. In general, he’d been getting to a good place in how he thought about his parents and the way they treated him and his dad’s death, but there were days when the wounds still felt raw. 

What he noticed most, though, is how Eddie always seemed to be there for him in those moments. 

So he ignored Bobby and Hen.

But when they got to the scene, Buck’s heart dropped into his stomach. 

There were no civilian cars outside, only police. But nobody was going inside. Instead, the police were talking to a neighbor who had called after hearing gunshots from their next-door neighbor’s house. The neighbor said there had been shots, and when they looked out the window, they saw the man who lived there hopping into his car and driving away. 

Buck shuddered, but he followed his team into the house. They found Athena crouched in the hallway, but they couldn’t see anyone. 

“Alright, Clarissa. These are the doctors, okay? They’re here to help you and keep you safe. Will you let them?”

The girl she was talking to was huddled in the corner of the closet. She looked nervous, maybe even scared. The closet door had a broken lock on it and two distinct bullet holes on the paneling. 

It hit them all at the same time. They all looked at each other. 

“I’m going to be sick,” Buck breathed, resisting the urge to turn away. 

Buck had a strong stomach. He didn’t understand why this was affecting him so much. 

Bobby put a hand on his shoulder. “Maybe you should—”

“No,” Buck said firmly. 

It turned out that the girl was 18, but she looked 12. She had been living in this house with her father for 13 years since her mother died, but her father hadn’t let her leave since. When he got angry, he’d lock her in the closet and deny food. 

The more she told them, with her vague, uneducated vocabulary, the more Buck’s stomach twisted as he watched Hen and Chim check her over. Hen momentarily gave Buck a look as he handed her the blood pressure cuff with a shaking hand, but they didn’t make eye contact after that.

It was when they had gotten her out of the house on the gurney that Buck really felt the shaking in his hands consuming his entire body. Hen and Chimney were pulling her down to the ambulance, and Buck didn’t feel well, and his head was throbbing worse and worse. Eddie placed a hand in the small of his back, but it didn’t release any of the tension. 

Buck had never felt like this after a call before, not even after the rollercoaster or when they found the baby in the pipes. It was like he had been gutted, and all his insides and fears and pain had been drug out and displayed for all to see. 

And then he noticed: the father had come home.

His feet were moving before he—or Eddie—could react. His hands were balled into fists and as he got within range he found himself opening his mouth to tell this man—

Athena grabbed his upper arm before he could say a word. She dragged him away pretty easily, considering he was so unsteady. “You’re not the only one who wants to hurt this man, but you need to control yourself before he uses it against you. She’s going to be okay.”

“No, she’s not,” Buck insisted, the pain on the side of his head increasing with every word. “You don’t… I know what… you don’t get over this, Athena.”

Suddenly, the pain in his head stole his focus away. The light felt like it was stabbing him in the eyes, and he thought he’d throw up if he stood in the piercing sunlight any longer. 

He stumbled back from Athena’s hold, his legs almost dropping him, grabbing his head with both hands. He heard her question, but he ignored it in favor of sprinting into the truck and slamming the door shut against the light. He flopped down on the bench and curled into a ball, pressing his palms into his eyes and trying not to writhe in pain. 

This was a rare time in which he wished he didn’t have to do his job. 

Hen and Chimney were driving Clarissa to the hospital, so it was Eddie and Bobby who came into the truck to find Buck huddled on the bench. 

Eddie squatted down to eye level even though Buck refused to open his eyes, refused to acknowledge anyone had entered. Bobby sat down next to Buck’s head.

“Buck?”

Buck groaned. 

“We’ll be quiet,” Bobby whispered.

When they returned to the station, Buck still hadn’t moved, but he hadn’t rejected the physical comforts from Eddie’s hand massaging his temples, and Bobby didn’t comment on the intimacy of the touch. 

“Do you know if he’s had a migraine before?” Bobby asked Eddie as they stood outside trying to derive a method to get Buck somewhere more comfortable than the fire truck.

“He’s never mentioned one,” Eddie said. “I mean, I knew it was bugging him this morning, but I didn’t realize it was that bad.”

“He needs to go home,” Bobby said. “I want to move him, but he’s helpless and it’s dark in the trucks.”

“I need this shift, Cap,” Eddie admitted. “I can’t take him anywhere till the end of mine, and that’s not until 6. Do you think the other guys would be willing to drop him off at my place?”

“I don’t want to leave him alone though. If Athena weren’t working I’d make her take him home. I don’t know what other options we have.”

“We need to get him off the truck. Soon enough the alarm’s gonna ring and we’ll need him out of there.”

Hen and Chim pulled the ambulance back into the station at that second. 

“Where’s Buckaroo? He still shaken up?” Chimney asked as they hopped out. 

“He has a pretty bad migraine,” Bobby responded. “We’re trying to figure out what to do with him. He needs to go, but we can’t afford to be two men down.”

“And Maddie’s on a shift that doesn’t end till tomorrow morning,” Chimney said. 

“Damn,” Hen remarked. “I knew it. That boy can’t be trusted with his own health.”

There was a pause. Then Eddie said, “I think he honestly thinks he’s better off here, no matter how miserable he feels. He doesn’t… have much. Outside of us.”

None of them wanted to think about that. 

They were saved from the idea by Buck stumbling out of the truck. His eyes were red and his arms were wrapped around himself. 

Eddie met him, trying to help him over to the couch, but Buck waved him off. 

“I’ll just drive myself home,” Buck said, his voice raw.

“I would rather you have someone to look after you,” Bobby told him.

“It’s just a headache. I don’t need a babysitter,” Buck protested, even though the color was draining from his face. 

“It’s not just a headache, Buck,” Bobby said, his tone calm. “It’s a headache that has you squinting against the sunlight and wincing when I speak at a normal volume. And you’re still upset from the call. We all are.”

“It’s okay to let someone take care of you,” Hen told him gently.

“Okay, fine. It really, really hurts. It hurts so much I feel nauseous. But none of you can leave, and Maddie’s on a shift, and there’s no one else for me, guys. I just want to go home.”

“We understand,” Eddie said, still feeling guilty about how lonely Buck felt. “We just don’t want you alone when you’re in this much pain.”

“Why don’t you go over to the couch, and we’ll figure something out?” Bobby suggested.

Buck nodded quietly, and he walked to the couch and flopped onto his stomach unceremoniously, using his arms to block out the light.

The rest of the team was just starting to formulate a plan when Buck stood up and bolted to the restroom. Eddie didn’t even look to the rest of the team before he followed his trail. 

Eddie found him curled up with his head on the toilet seat. “Gross,” he said, sitting next to Buck, facing away to give him some privacy but putting a hand on his back for support. 

Buck stopped quickly enough, a whimper slipping out from between his lips as he flushed the toilet and held his head in his hands. 

“You really feel like shit, huh?”

Buck answered by groaning and shifting his head from his hands to Eddie’s collarbone. Eddie checked his neck for fever again, and finding none he tried to provide minimal relief by running his fingers over Buck’s scalp. 

“I just want to go home and die in peace,” Buck moaned. “This is so embarrassing.”

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” Eddie racked his brain. “Maybe Carla is available for a few hours. Or my abuela.”

“I don’t need—”

“Buck, you are vomiting and _crying_ in pain.” Eddie reached and wiped a tear, showing it to Buck. 

“—I didn’t even notice—”

“I don’t trust you on your own.”

Buck nodded. “Okay.”

“Do you feel up to moving back out there, or should we wait another minute?”

“Yeah,” Buck mumbled, clearly about to give in to his exhaustion. Eddie wasn’t totally sure what he was saying yes to, so he chose for him and started trying to help him to his feet.

After dumping a wobbly Buck back on the couch, he walked away to call Carla. 

“Hey, Eddie,” Carla said when she answered. “What’s up?”

“Are you available right now? I know it’s your day off, but I wouldn’t call if I had any other option.”

“You know I’d do anything for you, Eddie. Is everything okay? Do you need me to pick up Christopher? How long do you need me?”

“It’s actually not Chris. It’s Buck. He has a really bad migraine. I can’t get off work to take him home, and I don’t want to leave him by himself.”

“Oh, you should’ve told me it was Buck! You know I love that boy. I’ll be at the station in fifteen minutes, okay?”

“Thank you so much, Carla. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Don’t even worry about it. I’m not going away. You’ll have to pull Christopher out of my cold, dead hands.”

Eddie laughed. “Thanks Carla. See you soon.”

The moment after he hung up the phone, the alarm rang. Buck groaned at the noise, but Eddie couldn’t do anything about it, so after assuring Hen, Chimney, and Bobby that Carla would be there soon, he texted Carla that they’d be gone, said a prayer that Buck would feel better soon, and hopped on the truck. 

When Eddie picked up Christopher from the after school childcare people (who watched Chris on Carla’s Thursdays off at a _very_ high price), he explained that Buck was sleeping over, but today wasn’t a day to bother him. 

“He’s pretty sick, buddy. So we have to be quiet when we get home, so he can sleep and feel better, okay?”

“Are you going to give him cuddles? You always give me cuddles when I’m sick and it helps me feel better.”

Eddie couldn’t decide how he felt about that statement, but he definitely blushed. “Probably not, buddy. Maybe if he wants.”

“Buck loves cuddles!”

Alright, now Christopher was doing this on purpose. “Yeah, but sometimes when people are sick they don’t feel up to doing the normal stuff.”

Luckily, before Christopher could embarrass Eddie anymore, they pulled into the driveway. He helped Chris out of his truck and after reminding him to be quiet, they walked inside. 

Buck, thankfully, was completely passed out on the couch, a blanket pulled all the way over his head. Carla was sitting on the rocking chair, facing him with a cookbook in her hand.

“He could’ve slept on my bed,” Eddie whispered, a smile turning the corner of his mouth at the sight of Buck’s feet hanging over the arm of the couch. 

“I knew that, but he didn’t want to go anywhere after he laid down, and I wasn’t going to move him.”

“How long has he been asleep?”

“Since around noon. I’m glad he fell asleep when he did. Poor boy. He couldn’t keep anything down. He’s been miserable. He said the migraines he’s had in the past haven’t lasted very long, but he’s also never had many. I’m hoping he’ll feel better when he wakes up.”

Eddie winced at the update. “Me too. Hey Chris, can you go play in your room?”

“Yes Daddy,” Christopher whispered, his eyes trained on Buck. He quietly crutched away.

“Thanks Carla,” Eddie said.

“No problem. I’m glad to help.”

“Did he mention if this was like, triggered by anything?”

“He said he didn’t sleep much last night, but that usually doesn’t have this effect on him.”

Eddie nodded, thinking back to when Buck’s knees almost buckled on the call. 

_The call._

Maybe it was triggering somehow, and the stress caused the headache. 

“Anything else I should know before you go?”

“You’ve got it. You’ll know what to do.” Carla stood and gave Eddie a kiss on the cheek. “Good night.”

Eddie thought about Christopher’s question from the car. He had to restrain himself from giving Buck cuddles.

Buck snapped awake feeling incredibly scared. It was hard to remember where he was, how he got there. Dread sat in a pit in his stomach, and although he’d probably been asleep for a while, he felt totally drained. 

The night before, Buck hadn’t slept much. He’d gone to bed early so he’d be ready for the early shift, but a nightmare prevented him from sleeping for more than two hours. 

The first thing that comes to Buck’s mind is images from his nightmare. 

The second is that girl in the closet.

The third is a feeling he hasn’t felt in years. 

_Eddie’s. I’m at Eddie’s._

His migraine was gone. Thank God for that. 

He was better. Why did he still feel like crying?

Memories flowed unbidden into his mind. Memories of confinement and being locked in his room and cornered against walls and being locked in the freezing cold closet in the basement. 

Buck felt the tears spilling from his eyes, and he pressed his hand to his mouth to keep from making a sound even though he wanted to bawl. He just couldn’t stop seeing the girl, how small she got from emaciation, how she flinched when the men got too close.

Before he knew it, he was on his feet, pushing open Eddie’s bedroom door. 

Eddie was still asleep. 

Buck suddenly felt a wave of guilt. Eddie just got off the early shift. He didn’t need Buck trying to climb into his bed like a three-year-old after a nightmare. But all Buck could think about was sleeping over after the tsunami, about the nights where he cried in Eddie’s arms until he fell asleep in the week after his father died, about Eddie’s thigh pressed against his in the fire truck. 

Eddie’s eyes fluttered open. “Buck?” His voice came out gravelly from sleep, but he propped himself up on his elbows and woke up quick. “Are you feeling better?”

His head didn’t throb anymore, but Buck just shrugged, wrapping his arms around himself. 

Eddie reaches up his arm. “Come here.”

Buck took the permission fast, burying himself under the covers and sliding as close to Eddie as he could.

“I’m sorry I woke you up.”

Eddie shook his head, rolling onto his side to face Buck. “I’m glad you did. Does it still hurt?”

“No. I just…”

“What’s wrong?”

“I just… it’s just… the call today reminded me of something.”

“Yeah?”

“I wanted to… talk.”

“Sure.”

“I…” Buck paused. Took a deep breath. Let it out.

“Take your time.”

Buck wanted to disappear. “Can you hold me?”

Eddie responded by pulling him in, Buck’s head resting on his chest, laying like they did after the tsunami, after Buck’s dad died. 

“When I was little, when my dad got mad at me, he used to lock me in a closet,” Buck sobbed, the tears flowing freely now. 

Eddie’s embrace tightened, but he just waited for Buck to continue.

“I’m not really sure how long I would end up being in there. But I never got to eat. And I always really had to pee.” The sobs just kept coming.

“I’m sorry that happened to you, Buck.”

“Seeing her in there just… it made me feel like I was back in there too.”

“Is that what triggered the migraine?”

Buck shrugged, sniffling. “I think so. It hurt before that though. I don’t know. I’m just glad that’s over. But I feel so… stuck.”

“How so?”

“Like he’s never going to let me out of the closet,” Buck whispered, his voice cracking. 

“Oh, Ev,” Eddie breathed. “You’re okay now. He can’t hurt you anymore.”

Buck sighed, tears slowing. “I know. You’re right. I’m starting to believe that now. It just feels so hopeless sometimes.”

Eddie hummer in agreement. “I know. I’m here for you, Ev. Someday it won’t be like that anymore, but for now I’m here for you.”

Buck nodded. Suddenly he felt completely different tears pricking his eyes. “I know, Eddie. Thank you so much.” He couldn’t keep his voice under control, and he didn’t want to try. Fresh tears spilled from his eyes, rolling over the bridge of his nose and soaking into Eddie’s t-shirt. 

“Buck, what is it?” Eddie asked, sensing the mood shift. 

“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong. It’s just, I came in here feeling awful, and you made me feel better. Your hugs always make me feel better. Being close to you makes me so happy.” Buck tilted his head back, looking up at Eddie. 

Eddie wiped the tears from Buck’s face. “You always make me happy, too, Ev.”

“I don’t want you to leave me, Eddie.”

“Good, because I’m not going anywhere. Christopher would kill me. And I’d miss you so much.”

“I love you, Eddie.”

Eddie pressed a soft kiss to Buck’s hair, then timidly pressed another to his lips. “I love you too, Ev.”

Both of them fell asleep, everything feeling the same even though everything had changed. 

When Christopher came into Eddie’s room the next morning, he squealed, before covering his mouth because maybe Buck still didn’t feel good. But both Eddie and Buck woke up smiling. 

Buck had an arm thrown across Eddie’s stomach, and his head on his chest. Eddie’s arms were hugging Buck tightly to him. 

“What’s up, buddy?” Buck said. 

“Do you feel better, Bucky?”

“Yeah, way better.”

“I knew it!” Christopher exclaimed. 

“Knew what?” Eddie asked, suddenly realizing he and Buck were in a somewhat compromising position.

“I knew Daddy’s cuddles would make you feel better!”

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment! <3


End file.
